Sorry
I regret not having been these days in my Livejournal, but I'm going through a bad situation psychological level, the problem is mine and not others.
Not only have I been so depressed in the thesis, but I've also started to get depressed about what I have to do once I graduate.
few days ago, my father suggested that if I liked the writing, I took a workshop to help improve distance, and even give you the foundation to write a novel. I was fascinated, begins once you finish the thesis, my father did not understand it because what I like, but because I want to see a world working as sordid as the legal profession is just 22 years, when he started with 30 and was very difficult both psychologically and competition.
My problem flows around the writing, from little girl was my dream, I have in the closet dozen books full of crazy stories to in my spare time, I have my pc with thousands of fics that never published and never will. I have an opinion of myself pretty depressing, actually I told my friend and colleague George battles, which therefore should not be neglected. But I am disgusted at the world we live surrounded by people when I say I prefer one night writing fun to wear fart to the eyebrows, or going to throw me a shameless do not know, do not understand me, treat me like brainy, a geek, a freak that no one understands. Living on an island has this disadvantage, the thought is a very local, most of the people I studied in school (high school) are raising children, or working from supermarket cashiers. Life like having to live off of a world with no expectations and where it comes down to today, and think about the future, when this reaches you.
So my point of view not only mine is rare, but also lacks bases. The dream to devote to writing? No sir, be a lawyer, to face the murderers, rapists and drug addicts is better than sitting in front of a PC and download all that I have in my head because that will give me to eat, and instead my foolish dream, only make living on the moon.
I understand people living thousands of miles from me, friends I have here, are more concerned about boyfriends, clothes or things that are unimportant to me that what will happen once you graduate. Because if I am a lawyer is because I had to submit to the laws of my parents because I could not get my four things in my room and sign up at a university in the peninsula, because first I am not rich, my parents did not mortgage their lives a dream that my mother has no future, and second, for my writing is merely a hobby.
My friend tells me to disregard because I feel misunderstood and blocked me. She blocked me because according to me contempt, scorn my work, and I've never finished a fic or a writing project because I get to a point where I become surly with myself. I have to want more, right? They also say that for people to love you, before you have to love yourself. But my people love me, but no brain, joining the army to see me in the future with four children, married with no shame and throw my dreams away. And worst of all is that I feel bad for having those dreams, that I repeat over and over that are not worth anything.
Because nobody gets rich with writing, apart from a couple of lucky. So what? Do I need to invent a story to make the world pull me 500 euro for the street? It seems to work, it must be so, otherwise there is a job is stupid.
So maybe I do not even during October and writing novels, because I'm depressed, despised and disappointed in myself. Sorry for writing these sheep in my LJ, but need to download, and think at least I'm not the only one that feels like a Martian or alien species in their own environment.
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